I am going straight to hell.

Dear Universe,

I would like to thank you for the cruel joke you played on me today in which you whispered into my wrong-headed brain to put my french homework in my backpack immediately after french class so that I don't forget it later on. It was especially clever, the way you made my brain think "Oh, gee, thank you kind Brain. I am just so dilligent and on top of things, I will surely remember to put my french homework in my backpack right after the bell rings." Oh, how confident I felt! How proud of myself I was for being so careful and conscientious for once. If only I had known that you were toying with my vulnerable mind. If only I had thought, "My, what a devious monkey the Universe is." Because after the climactic buildup to what was surely my most conceited moment of the year, you made an utter fool of me by distracting me with talk of English Exams and Newspaper Articles, and allowing my mind to stray far, far away from the land of Remembering My Homework. And how especially tricky you were, to continue feeding my brain these ideas of, "Why, when I get home I will do my french homework immediately." How very cunning it was of you to allow me to build up such a false sense of security. Up until five minutes ago, I was convinced that I had my french homework just sitting in my backpack, ready to be completed neatly and handed in bright and early Monday morning, just as it should be. You, cruel Universe, had me convinced.

Instead, I will be hurriedly scrawling poorly conjugated imparfait verbs at 8:30 on Monday morning, scrambling to hand in my assignment in the nick of time. I will flunkedy-flunk-flunk and it will all be because of you, cruel and devious Universe. Not only will I flunk French, but probably life as well. You see, I am going to Quebec in a few weeks and my life will surely be over if I arrive there and am faced with a situation where it is of dire urgency that I say, "Yesterday, I was eating a grapefruit when seventeen tiny monkeys attacked me from behind." and I don't know how to say it. It will all be your fault.

Thank you for ruining my life.

Sincerely,
Hailey