Tuesday, August 05, 2003

I can't sleep. I don't want to. I don't know why I don't want to, but I really, really don't want to.

I am in the weirdest mood...but I think it would take me hours to explain it all. [Who am I kidding - I've got time- ] First of all, I think that there is a difference between FEELING and HAVING feelings. What I mean is that I know that I'm supposed to feel happy or scared or worried or excited, and I have happy or scared or worried or excited thoughts in my head, but I don't acctually feel those things. It's like the feelings are there somewhere but they're locked up or something. There is such a numbness that surrounds me these days....I think a lot, but I feel absolutely nothing for the most part. Right now 'm *feeling/thinking/whatever you want to call it* really strange......I'm upset and depressed [I hate that word] and what have you, and .......... oh gosh, I don't even remember where I was going with this.

I've been getting headaches so often lately, it's bizarre. They're really intense headaches, too, and taking a Tylenol to fix them is strangely comforting. I know it will go away eventually because I've swallowed the pills and that's all there is to do. That's not a good way to think.

I think I'm going to go to bed. Surprise, Surprise I have a headache again.




Hailey spazzed at 1:56:00 a.m.

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