Saturday, July 26, 2003

I've still been thinking about school a lot. Life would be ten times easier if I didn't have to talk to people or worry about people or deal with people. I can understand now why some people become hermits. It's definetly crossed my mind more than once these past few weeks. Hah - well, I don't mind ALL people. Acctually I like people. [I know, your probably thinking, "what the h*ll is this girl talking about, then?"] You know what? I'll just shut up. I hate the way this make me sound like such a depressing, negative, whiny, wimpy, complaining loser of a person. [ look - even my explanation about not wanting to sound whiny and negative makes me sound whiny and negative. I need to lighten up.]

I wish I had more to say.....the only things on my mind lately have been friends, school and dancing. Oh, dancing - I'm getting really worried about those classes. I don't mean to repeat myself, but I'm so worried about everything. I don't want to show up and be terrible, or slow, or incompetant. (incompetent? I can't spell.) It's really hard to put into words exactly what is scaring me about this whole thing. I'm trying, but whatever I write doesn't quite sum it up. I should be so excited and happy....well, I am .... but I'm also so many other things. The fact that I even got in is so amazing - that's definetly something that I will always be happy about. But after that comes everything else and everything else brings such mixed feelings to the table. I'm so overjoyed that I get this oppertunity and this ... priviledge ... but then I'm also terrified about acctually dancing and fitting in and everything.
Aaaaaagh! This is so frustrating. I should be so very very happy and honoured and grateful. To say that I'm scared is like...I don't know....Somehow it just seems very very wrong.

Hailey spazzed at 11:53:00 p.m.

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