Friday, July 25, 2003

I spent the last few days at a friends house.... it was a lot of fun. [this sounds like such a "typical teenage diary", which I hate, but what can you do.] We had a really great time - I don't get to see her very often so when we get together it's awesome. I didn't want to leave! But I suppose it's nice to be home.

I've been thinking about school a lot lately [ I know, I know - School? School!!Are you out of your mind?Don't answer that] But I have been....part of me wants to go back, but mostly I'm dreading it. I have a love/hate relationship with the first few days of school - it's exciting but at the same time it is so very very stressful and scary and it makes me worry. But then again I think I've gotten to the point where I could care less about popularity and looking "hot" and having boyfriends. It's not worth the trouble that goes into it all. I think I have a direction now - what I mean is that next year I'll be busy with dancing and trying to keep up with school and everything. It will be pretty consuming and I'm glad because I won't have the time to worry about who's not talking to who and all of that crap. I feel kind of safe knowing that I'll have my life dedicated to school and dance.

Speaking of dancing, I start pre-season classes with my new group soon. I'm excited, of course, but I'm also really really really scared. I want to fit in, and I'm scared that I won't. I know that I'm there to dance and not to make friends, but it would be a lot more....what's the word?....I don't know...safe?? to know that I have friends there. I also am really afraid of disappointing everyone with my dancing. I don't want to show up and be the worst dancer there. I don't want to let everyone down.

Wow, I sound so negative. This whole entry is one big depressive outpour. I'm sorry, I guess I'm just really, really afraid of a lot of things.

Hailey spazzed at 9:38:00 p.m.

***