Sunday, July 27, 2003

I really do hate 'em.


I'm bored, and I'm not tired. Acctually, I'm just avoiding going to my [freshly cleaned and rearranged] bedroom, where I'll probably sit for a few hours while reading, writing in my journal and dwelling on all of the things that scare me. Lying to myself is just so much easier.

Now that I think about it....everything that I do is rooted in fear. There is not one thing that I can think of that doesn't have some aspect of itself that doesn't scare me. A whole lot of the things that I do are done to avoid my fears or change my fears or to somehow make things less scary. [I don't know where this newfound revelation is coming from. Apparently late-nights do this to me - I open up a lot more at night, which probably isn't a good thing. I think it has something to do with my subconcious belief that since nobody is awake at night then no one will read what I write at night. It's like when you're a little kid and you believe that since your eyes are closed, nobody can see you. Does that make sense? Probably not.] Anyway - fear - yes, I'm a big 'ole
scaredy-cat. Enough said.

Hmmmm... it's amazon-hot in my house again. I'm covered in mosquito bites. My room is nice and clean, but I don't want to go in there. To be left entirely alone with my thoughts is, well, scary. [see? everything's scary]

Ignore this. Please.

Hailey spazzed at 12:08:00 a.m.

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